Thinking

"The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don't know what to do."--John Holt

Despite my skepticism, the support group turned out to be pretty good. We met in Coolidge Corner, a place that still holds a lot of memories for me from my college boyfriend, but is extremely vibrant and full of activity. There were 9 people there, of different ages and professions, and in various stages of relationship trauma. Most of them were married, or are currently married but are in the process of getting divorced or separated. There's one other woman there who ended an engagement. It was so nice to be able to talk about feelings, thoughts or reactions with people who have been through the same thing and can relate. Hence the support.

I stayed at C's again last night. We stay up late watching TV and I read while she plays online. It's nice to share space with someone who doesn't need to talk all the time.

Tonight I'm going to run stadiums with J at Harvard. The stairs there aren't the same as Santa Monica, but if I can manage 20 or so sets out of the 37, I'll be in good shape.

I'm in such a quandary over what to do for my friend L's wedding next month. She's getting married in La Jolla and there's no way I'll miss it. I can't wait to go back to California. With my frequent flier miles and complete lack of a job, I can go for a good, long time and see as many people as possible. I will go spend some serious time in SF with my friends there. J and K, who are like my surrogate older brother and sister, have been my rocks through this whole ordeal and it will be great to see them. But I'm torn over the idea of going back to LA. I really want to see my friends in there, most of whom I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to before I fled last month. Still, I'm not sure I'm ready to go back. I don't know if I can go there and NOT see Glenn. I don't know if I can go back and not go home.