More ranting and raving

Glenn told me yesterday that he hates being alone. Well, suck it up, buddy. As if he's in any shape to be with anyone right now. As if EITHER of us should be thinking about that, but he's a guy and nothing scares him more than solitude. I am so not going to make this easier for him and apparently neither is the trollop. Good for her. I'd respect her if she hadn't fucked him while we were still together.

He cheated on me and lied to me about how far things went with her. Maybe he thinks that's beside the point, but it's an absolute breach of trust and imtimacy and it's absolutely a part of what's going on now. How am I supposed to believe anything he says to me from now on? How am I supposed to believe he didn't sleep with her more than once? I don't know that I can. I don't think I can ever trust him again. The thought of him being intimate with someone else makes me physically ill. I hate him for that. HATE him for shattering the trust and rapport we had. HATE him for leaving me with mental images of him and her, of leaving those messages for me to see, of rubbing it in my face. He was so shocked about what Jenny did to Tom and he just did almost the same thing. And somehow Tom, the only one of Glenn's friends who's actually called Glenn out on his actions, is the only person Glenn refuses to listen to. Glenn spent months telling me that he didn't care about the wedding, that he only cared about being married to me. Was that a lie, too?

It's clear from everything Glenn's said to me that he hadn't wanted to be with me for a while, but he never had the balls to talk to me face to face like an adult. And now he wants us to stay friends. How can I be friends with someone who's treated me the way he has? There's no respect there, only selfishness. As a famous Benedictine priest once said, the only sin is selfishness. He never even asked me how I got through our wedding day--it never occurred to him. Glenn has the guts to yell at me about taking the ring back, but maybe he should have considered that before he CHEATED on me two weeks before our wedding and LIED about it. If the positions were reversed, he would have told me to go to hell.

And what's the deal with putting 400 miles on my car while I was home in Boston, after everything that had happened??

He can go digging for reasons why things didn't work out, but the fact is that he didn't WANT them to. Glenn walked away because things got hard and complicated, instead of being adult enough to deal with the issues that are part of any serious long term relationship. Remember the episode of Sex and the City when Big marries Natasha instead of staying with Carrie because Natasha is less work? It'll be the same with anyone he bothers to date seriously in the future--eventually he's going to have to learn how to be a partner and not just a taker. It's a pattern with him--all of his ex-girlfriends left him because he couldn't step up or grow up. I should have seen that as a warning sign a long time ago.