Sometimes size does matter

The thing with temping is that you can't show up to work in a T-shirt and shorts, which is what I've been living in for the past month and a half. Since my stuff is stuck on a truck somewhere in Kansas--the movers said it won't arrive until early August--my mother took me shopping for work clothes at Frugal Fannie's down in Westwood (MA not CA, though I get confused sometimes). Retail therapy is a great thing. First comes the new clothes, then the new life. The really scary thing is how small I am right now. Right before I left LA, I was probably about 105Lbs. and I was in the best shape of my life. I haven't weighed myself since I got back to Boston--I don't want to know because I don't want to have that weight as a goal once I start eating again--but I've gone from a healthy size 4-6 to a size 0. I have never been this thin before, even when I was anorexic my sophomore year in high school, and it's frightening. I stood in front of the mirror in the changing room and for the first time I saw how emaciated I've become. This thing has eaten me up from the inside out. I want to be fit and healthy again. I want my appetite back!

When I got home, I put the clothes in the closet. And then I unpacked the pile of suitcases that's been sitting in my room for over a month. I guess I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not going to hop a plane and go back anytime soon.