Open letter to Glenn's trollop

The email I never sent but had to get off my chest:

G,

Believe me, I'm well aware of how this letter will come across, and I have questioned whether to send it more times than I can tell you. But there are some things I need to say. From what I've heard, you have your head screwed on relatively straight, so none of this will really be a surprise. It's up to you whether you read this, delete it or send it straight to Glenn.

First, I want to thank you. Your affair with Glenn forced him to show his true colors at a crucial moment and I'm grateful that I found out what he's really like before I married him rather than after. He lied to me about your relationship, and whatever did occur between you happened while he and I were still together, so that makes him a cheater and a liar. What you may not know is that even after we called off the wedding and I told him I couldn't be with him anymore, he was going on about how this was just a postponement and he could see us getting married in a month or two. If I recall correctly, he wanted a small beach ceremony. He keeps asking me what I feel in my gut about our future together, which says something about his true commitment to "what he sees as a genuinely good thing" with you. Even though he did ask you to start a relationship the day after we decided to call off our wedding.

He told me that you just ended a long term relationship yourself, so I'm sure you can understand why it's better to know someone's a cheater before rather than after making a commitment. In some ways it sounds like you and I have a lot in common. I never thought I'd actually say that, but it's true. We even look alike. And now we're both mourning relationships that, at least for me, I'd hoped would last a lifetime.

But I also blame you for helping to break us up. At the cast party, you knew he was engaged and you pursued him anyway. And then you slept up with him even though you knew he was still taken. I've been to enough cast parties to know what they're like. Weird things happen at cast parties. Maybe it's because performing creates this strong sense of intimacy between the cast and crew. I knew when he called that night that something weird was going on, and I knew it was with you. I thought he was a stronger person and would be able to deal. You should have known better, particularly since you'd just had your heart broken. Thanks for helping to break mine, too.

Really, it's Glenn's fault that any of this happened. He and I had our problems, but it was his choice to go to that cast party, his choice to stay up flirting with you til 4am, his choice to get in that hot tub. It was his choice to email you and call you and have coffee with you. It was his choice to sleep with you, just as much as it was your choice to chase him like a cat in heat. Some of that has to do with the problems he and I were having at the time, but it really comes down to Glenn's fundamental lack of self confidence, maturity and good sense. Again, I thank you for helping me to see that about him before I took the plunge. You don't need me to call you any names--I think you know exactly what you are for doing what you did,

Last I heard, you were refusing to see Glenn because you didn't want to give into the attraction you both felt for one another. At least that's what he told me. I'm not sure if that's supposed to make me feel better. Frankly, if you want to have a torrid affair with a 35-year-old narcissist with a Peter Pan complex and the kinds of issues that Glenn has, that's up to you. He's fun to be with as long as you don't have any needs of your own and as long as you don't intrude on his cycling time. If you want a guy who can't commit and is really just looking for a cheerleader who will provide regular sex, go for it. It sounds like you know you deserve better than that, though. But if you want to take on the winner's curse, it's your choice.

I don't know if he told you, but one of the things that made me move out is that he left all your emails and all his letters to you on the desktop of my computer for me to find when I came back to LA. Thoughtful and considerate, hmm? Imagine for a second what it would have been like to find that sort of thing on your ex-boyfriend's computer, to know that he'd cheated on you and lied about it, to know he was already screwing someone else while you were stuck crying 50 times a day. You might begin to understand what it's like to be left with those kinds of mental images, to wonder if and when he's still talking to you and whether you'll give into his libido. Except Glenn and I were living together for 3 years and we were about to get married, so it was that much more of a shock, a betrayal and a punch in the face.

Again, it comes back to a degree of thankfulness. Glenn is a good guy at heart but he's really confused about who he is, what he wants and whether he's willing to do the work necessary to maintain a serious relationship. So many people have come up to me since our breakup and said, "Well, we didn't really want to say anything before, but we always thought he was a bit selfish and immature." I never saw it because I was so in love with him, but I see it now, courtesy of you. So thank you for saving me from a life of sacrificing my needs to someone who isn't capable of being a true partner. I deserve a lot better and, quite frankly, so do you. Who's to say he wouldn't do the same thing to you.

S

PS--Kest was my favorite yoga studio--don't know if he shared that with you when he told you to go there.