Friday, July 16, 2004

Not in a lecturing mood

Someone told me about this book called "There Goes The Bride" and so I ordered it from Amazon. It's written by a woman who called off her wedding because she realized that her fiance wasn't the guy for her. There's a certain amount of comfort to be had in reading a book that examines almost every aspect of the exact experience I'm going through, but a lot of the time I just want to tell the author to shut the fuck up. She left her relationship because she had an epiphany and now she's telling me to look at this as an empowering experience. I left because I HAD to. I had no choice, really. And at some point I know I'll get to a point where I can see that Glenn wasn't the man for me, but I'm not there yet. Even when your brain understands the logical side of something like this, you can't make your heart catch up. And you can't make yourself fall out of love with someone in the space of a month. Plus, I don't have a job to throw myself into. I'm a total social alien!

There is some good advice here that I'm trying to keep in mind: Put one foot in front of the other and just get through each day the best you can. Do what you need to in order to process what's happened. Know that it will get better. Take deep breaths.

Last night I went for a great 5-mile run in the rain with J. We went to Fresh Pond and did two laps. The air and rain and adrenaline were exactly what I needed to wake up from the daze I'd been in all day. Then I crashed on C's futon. We stayed up late eating Greek food and watching E.!.

No comments: