If my friends tell me to get angry one more time, I'm going to scream. I've read the Kubler-Ross grief manifesto and let me just say that when you're actually going through the grief process, it isn't as linear as you might think. Glenn sent me a weak-ass email yesterday and I was angry for all of ten minutes and then the crying started again. Emotional consistency is a distant memory, something you have that you don't appreciate until it's long gone.
Right now, as I write this, I am FURIOUS. How COULD he have been such an asshole?? This is the guy who moved across the country to be with me, who programmed his cell phone to say "Heads-down determination," our little motto while we were dating cross-country, whenever he turned it on, who cried when he proposed to me. What ever happened to heads-down determination? How did I end up doing all the work while he wussed out?
Well, Glenn, you can buy another TV and another computer to replace the ones that belonged to me. And you can distract yourself from what's happened by training for a million triathlons or whatever, but you can't run away from this, no matter how hard you try. You made certain choices and you've lost me because of them, and you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. You can talk to a million people about this looking for support and validation, but deep inside you know you fucked up. You know you've absolutely devastated the person you were closest to in the world and claimed to love. That's something you have to live and deal with. Don't be a guy, Glenn. Be a man. Face up to what you've done. You may not realize it for years, but you've thrown away the best thing that ever happened to you because it got in the way of your going for a good ride. What does that say to you?
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