Goddamn those wedding websites. Yesterday I got a lovely email from Wedding Channel titled, "Congratulations on your one month anniversary!" It felt like all the air got sucked out of the room and I couldn't breathe.
Last night I went to my best friend A's birthday party at her house out in central Mass. I was hoping for an innocuous evening of fun and socializing, but instead it was a house full of couples and their kids. Or couples with kids on the way. Or just couples. Other than the sullen 12-year old sitting on the porch, I was the only single person there. It was worse than Bridget Jones, worse than any episode of Sex and the City.
I hid in the bathroom and cried for 20 minutes.
Glenn used to be my partner in crime at those types of things. We'd snicker behind our hands at the people who gave up their lives and their sanity to focus entirely on their kids. He shared my irritation and annoyance with screaming children and the doting parents who spoiled the crap out of them. We were both ambivalent about having children. I had to bite my hand to keep from calling him to commiserate.
Even if we had wanted kids, I'm light years away from being part of a married couple or coming close to reconsidering the whole parenthood thing again. I'm so behind the curve now. This is not where I wanted to be at this point in my life.
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