The twisted wisdom of Celestial Seasonings

So I walk into the kitchen at work today and discover that our resident Tea Fairy has left a box of Celestial Seasonings' latest herbal creation on the counter. It's called Peach Apricot Honeybush.

Am I the only one whose mind is stuck in the gutter?

Apparently no one at Celestial Seasonings has an inkling of the subtext here because the top of the box proudly states that the tea is “100% Natural Honeybush.” Exotic South African Honeybush no less.

After I finished considering the possible financial upside of making a case for sexual harassment in the workplace, I turned the tea box over and discovered that Celestial Seasonings has gotten into the business of dispensing spiritual guidance. Here's what the Honeybush had to say:

--Striving Upward--
"When we were young and so keenly felt our lacking, we saw the others high above us and thought, “If only we could reach them.” Now here we are, up in childhood’s ether, and we know a thing or two. Yet still we strive upward, as if for some exotic fruit hidden among tangled branches. Some would say, “Be happy where you are!” But we are happy, you see. Besides, it’s not a question of happiness, it’s a question of human-ness. Whether on a mountain path or open sea or printed page, we must always press on. We expect no miracles. After all, it is only ourselves we hope to find."

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves—William Shakespeare