Single is the new sick

If Yahoo Personals is to be believed, today is officially National Call in Single Day.

I can just picture the look on my boss' face if I called her and said, "I can't come to work today, I'm single."

When I first read the headline, I thought "Hey! Someone came up with a national excuse for avoiding all the obnoxious, work-inappropriate rose deliveries and conspicuous cross-cubicle flashing of Hallmark-inspired bling!" But no. Instead, all of us single types are supposed to "take time to focus on ourselves and find our needle in a haystack."

There are so many things wrong with this concept that I don't know where to start.

First, I cannot simultaneously focus on myself (ie drop huge cash on a spa weekend to avoid my roommate and her boyfriend having loud sex in the next room) and look for my needle at the same time. Also, I do not *want* to look for my needle, particularly on Valentine's Day. Nor do I want to call him my "needle," unless we're being creative about penis nicknames and even then it's creepy.

Second, why does focusing on myself mean looking for a significant other? I may be single but my sense of self does not revolve around whether I have a man in my life. This is yet another reason to blow off Valentine's Day.

On the upside, bad kissers can now go to kissing school.