Why pantyhose and Moxie just don’t mix

Today it is approaching 60 degrees, and so I judged it to be warm enough to brave baring my legs to the elements by wearing a skirt. Skirts are my uniform in summer, but I only own one winter skirt and it requires the wearing of heavy-duty tights, so it only came out of the closet 2-3 times this past winter. This being a work environment and all, pantyhose seemed to be an appropriate choice of garment, especially since it’s not THAT warm outside yet. Usually, however, I am of the opinion that legs should breathe free.

God, I can just hear my mother screaming at me right now. Her two pet peeves with me: makeup and bare legs. In addition to eschewing all makeup, I used to waltz around during the winters in high school wearing black ballet flats and bare legs when it was in the single digits outside. Did I catch pneumonia and die? Clearly not.

Let it be said that I despise pantyhose almost as much as makeup, which makes sense seeing as pantyhose are pretty much just makeup for your legs. But being the responsible young woman I am, I went to Marshalls and bought some nice pantyhose for cheap. I struggled into them this morning and promptly walked out the door without thinking about the concept of a slip. In the fifty feet between the parking lot and the elevator in my building, I must have tugged my skirt down from around my hips about 15 times, all the while thinking “I FRIGGING HATE PANTYHOSE!” So I did not cry when I accidentally (seriously, it was an accident) poked my thumb through the damned things when I was pulling them back up in the bathroom. Into the trash they went. This series of events was made more interesting by the fact that I went commando today in the interest of removing all pantylines (all three of my thongs are in the laundry) Now I am bare-legged--bare everything, please god don't let me fall down the stairs--and much happier, and since I end up sitting in front of a computer for most of the day anyway, no one will be the wiser.