Thursday, April 28, 2005

Like ducks not in a row

Nothing ever quite turns out they way you think it will. When I moved into my apartment at the end of December, I really, honestly thought that I would be moving to San Francisco when the lease ended in June. Because the whole thing seemed so transitional, I didn't bring much with me when a moved--just a few pieces of furniture and some boxes. But I didn't end up finding a way out to the Bay Area, and my lease is ending in a month and so now I'm looking for a new roommate, as my current one is moving to SF herself to do some post-graduate fieldwork.

I've posted the place a few times on Craigslist and there are a couple of people coming to take a look at me and the apartment this weekend. Craigslist can be a great source but it is also a total crapshoot. Who knows who these people are, whether they would make decent roommates, whether they would secretly kick Scully or leave fingernail clippings on the floor or ignore the dishes in the sink. Will they forget to pay the rent? Are they trustworthy? They could also be completely great. I need to think more positively about the whole process. All I know is that I really don't want to move again, even if it's just into a studio in the same building.

At the same time, the girl I replaced here is coming for her living room furniture this weekend, which means that we will have no couch, coffee table, TV or bookshelves after Saturday. Now I need to either find a roommate who comes with furniture, sort of like a special edition Barbie but with a couch instead of a pink leather clutch, or commit to bringing my own stuff in here.

Things are still happening with lunch boy, but not for much longer. For two people who are very clear about the fact that we are not in a relationship, we talk a lot more than friends who just hook up every so often. As in, emailing all day and IMing until the wee hours at night. I don't understand why I am having such a hard time drawing boundaries and sticking to them. If anyone had asked me if I thought I'd get involved with a guy who has a girlfriend a few months ago, I would have laughed in their face. But here I am. One thing I learned last year is that you can't always control what happens in your life. Things will unfold in the way they're supposed to. I know I want this guy in my life, even though I can't really put my finger on how that happened or why I'm allowing it. Maybe I just need to have a little more faith in the universe in regard to the boy and the roommate. Things will work themselves out.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Moxie = Caramel