Friday, May 13, 2005

Planetary disarray

Lately it seems like everyone I know is going through some major life adjustment. Perhaps adjustment isn’t the right word—how about insane, crappy, horrible difficulty that’s a 12 on a scale of 1 to 10. I’m talking everything from coworkers, friends and family dying, to friendships, relationships and marriages ending (or suffering deep internal injuries), to making gut-wrenching decisions that no one should have to make. People are moving and shaking as they go. May has certainly rolled in like a lion. It feels like life in general is mushing around, reforming in mysterious ways and making room for the new.

Months like this make me wonder whether there really is some planetary influence that holds sway over us, like some vast universal magnet that can pull the wrong way if it’s inadvertently tilted. Is Mercury in retrograde? Should we all be burning sage and cleansing our personal space? I wish so much that I could make my friend’s lives easier, to take away a little of their pain. I wish I could see the reasons behind the carnage, but not if it means parroting clichés that make me want to punch other people when they say them to me. Everything does happen for a reason, but the really crappy part is that you can’t see the reason until you’ve been through the shit, so what’s the use of pointing it out until later?

In my life, the transitions are less dramatic. My roommate moved out today, so I have the place to myself for a week before my new roommate moves in. Then there’s lunch boy. That’s been a transition in the making from day one. He’s going through like four transitions of his own, so things are still guarded but they are *things*. Or they will be. We laugh and talk and sneak kisses in the stairwell, and my stomach gets all fluttery just knowing that he’s sitting down the hall. Once we both get our lives in order, who knows? I think we could have ridiculous amounts of fun if we both stop being so afraid of it.

This weekend is all about cleaning. Cleaning the apartment within an inch of its life, turning over my closet, rearranging what little furniture is left, sweeping up drifts of cat hair tumbleweeds, opening up the windows to let the air in. Cleaning out the old and making space for the new. I’m cleaning house in every way possible, with my hair pulled up and the stereo cranking Duran Duran.

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