Un-wedding day

Well, in an alternate reality we'd be standing in front of our minister getting married at this very moment. Instead, I'm in my parent's house trying to ignore the minutes ticking by as my former future disappears down the drain. For some reason I thought that Glenn would call today, just to see how I'm doing, to say "isnt' this weird?" to acknowledge the leap our lives took off the high dive. But no--that would be owning up to the consequences of his actions and that's too much for Glenn to handle.

Want to know where he is right now? PLAYING GOLF. His parents couldn't get out of the house rental they lined up for the wedding so they decided to throw a family reunion instead. Resourceful, yes, but can you say BAD TASTE? He is literally teeing off the 12th hole while I am sitting here in a puddle of tears. How his family can be celebrating right now is a complete mystery to me. If your son had done what he did, would you throw him a big party? I hope he's uncomfortable and miserable and completely aware of what an asshole he is.

Thank god for my friends. Instead of throwing a wedding, my parents threw a BBQ on our back porch and all my Boston friends came out to the suburbs to help me make the day go by. They're downstairs right now, drinking beer and doing their best to behave like this doesn't suck. My college roommate said something to me when she walked in the door. After giving me a huge hug, she said, "This is not your wedding day, so don't be so sad. Your wedding day is still to come." I can't even wrap my mind around that yet, but it made me feel less like going upstairs and popping an entire bottle of Ativan.

I had to quit my job today. My boss was so understanding, but it was still very difficult. I shed blood, sweat and tears for 7 months while I looked for that job, and I loved my company. I'm letting go of everything and I don't know what will be left.

My parents and I are going out to LA this week while Glenn is on the east coast for what was supposed to be our honeymoon. We're going to pack up my things and ship them home. When he comes back to our apartment, I and Scully and all my stuff will be gone and he'll be alone again. Part of me hopes that the harsh realization will make him realize that he's lost me. Buit what I really want is for him to be lonely and unhappy and to miss me terribly. Our little family is kaput. I am not getting married today.