My bananas are embarrassing me.
Last weekend I bought a bunch of bananas at Whole Foods and they are…big. As in, pornographically big. These bananas could win an AVN award. I swear to god they are the biggest, most phallic pieces of fruit that I have ever seen. Not that pornographic fruit bothers me, but I take my bananas to work so I can eat them for breakfast and the guys in my department have been giving me weird looks in the morning.
When I bought them, the bananas were green and I was pretty focused on getting the shopping done, so I didn’t really pay attention to the issue of size. I noticed that they were kind of heavy in the basket but it wasn’t until I got them home and put them on the counter that the true nature of their size hit me. I blushed. Then I grabbed a ruler.
9 inches long, 3.5 inches around.
Needless to say, the bananas have made my mornings a little more colorful. The art director at work, who happens to be flamboyantly gay, thinks they’re the funniest thing ever, though I have a feeling he wants to steal it for his own purposes. I have to look around a few times before I eat my banana and then I hunch over a little so that it’s less visible. That’s because two of the marketing guys walked by my desk on Monday and their conversation came to a complete stop right when I was taking a bite of my breakfast. Does eating a banana count as sexual harassment? Inquiring minds want to know.