Monday, December 06, 2004

A nice, round number

Six months today. And tomorrow is--or was--our engagement anniversary. I hate December. If I had my way, I'd fast forward through this whole month. It's full of anniversaries and other emotional landmines. Work is GREAT--it's my salvation. If I didn't have this job, I would get in the car and do a month-long roadtrip just to escape the specter of December and the holidays.

I'm depressed and lonely and hurting. After work, I go to the gym or go for a run and then watch movie after movie on TV. This summer, all I wanted to do was get out of the house and be around people. Now, I want to hide on the couch and not interact with anyone at all. I talk to my family as little as possible--I just want to be left alone.

"Sideways" was good. And yes, Miles and Glenn could be blood brothers in the way that they behaved, but that wasn't what made me melancholy. The scenes of LA and Santa Ynez just made me realize that I will never live in southern California again. That part of my life is over. No going back. I went to all those vineyards with Glenn at this time last year--he wanted to buy wine for his family as Christmas presents. So we did a day trip up, and hit about 10 vineyards. He must have tasted 35 wines over the course of the day, and it was the only time I ever saw him drunk. He was so cute and happy and funny--on the drive home, he sat in the passenger seat and drunk dialed every person in his cell phone.

I looked at a great studio tonight after work. It's right between Harvard and Porter, across the street from ATA. I'm going back tomorrow to make a decision.

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