Monday, June 19, 2006

Analysis paralysis

My job is extremely boring right now. Not enough work means that I have way too much time to think—never a good thing—and lately I’ve been thinking about happiness. At one point last week, I was flipping channels and bumped into that horrible Renee Zellweger/Meryl Streep movie One True Thing.

At one point Meryl Streep is trying to explain to Renee Zellweger why she isn’t bitter or angry about her husband’s flighty approach to family time and fidelity. “Happiness is a decision,” she says. “It’s so much easier to be happy.” If only things were that easy. Or are they? Is having a positive outlook an issue of attitude or disposition, or both? When I get stuck in a negative frame of mind, I beat myself up about it and try to talk myself into being more upbeat. Sometimes it works. No one can be happy ALL the time.

I feel like I am always looking for more, but the more isn’t anything I can ask for. The things that mean the most are the things that are given freely, without prompting. They are gifts in the truest sense of the word, the kind you can’t go looking for beforehand. I think happiness lies in the ability to not look for more than what you have.

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