This morning I received the following email from my beloved roommate. No warning, no precursor, no nothing. I should have known better than to read it first thing on a Monday:
A Has Sent You an Evite!
A’s Birthday Explosion
“i'm turning 25 and deserve a big bash. you all are invited to help me cause one. come over and draw on my walls, dance to bad italian techno, play cheesy party games, eat too much sugar, drink icy drinks, and celebrate the fact that we're all supposed to be mature by the time we're 25, and yet...”
If she wants to cause a big bash, this is a great way for her to get bashed over the head. Though she and I have been home at the same time roughly twice in the past week, at no point did she share with me the idea of throwing a party for about 30 people in our apartment. Hyperventilating, I scrolled through the rest of my email and found a message from her titled, “oops!”
“so i just sent out my birthday party invite... without asking you about the date etc. first. sorry! you're on the list, but obviously the fact that there might be a dozen plus people laughing it up and carousing in our place should have your approval. is sat. the 30th ok for this for you? btw, the drawing on the walls part refers to tacking up pieces of giant butcher paper on the walls and putting out buckets of crayons, inviting people to leave their mark. i'll choose one of my bedroom walls in case of overzealous cartooners. (:”
Where to start? Is the 30th okay for this for me?? How about NEVER? The wisdom—or lack thereof—of drawing on the walls, butcher paper aside? The complete lack of consideration? The inability to use capital letters? No matter what I say to her, she’s not going to NOT throw this party. Which means that Scully and I need to make ourselves scarce, because while it’s easy enough for me to escape to Lunchboy’s place for the night, I refuse to leave my kitty to be terrorized by immature, drunken fools.
What really gets me is how she never even considered how this could be inconvenient. How is she going to keep her guests in the common area and out of my room? Why should I have to feel like I need to protect my living space??? I love my apartment but I no longer love living there, and it’s all my fault for inviting A her to live with me in the first place. She's like a vampire. I invited her into my house and now she's sucking all the life out of the place. Plus, she reeks.