When you're used to being in crisis, or even in constant transition, stability is sort of jarring. Suddenly, the horizon is clear of major goings-on: No moves, no job changes, no complete re-evaluations of life in general. And for some weird, screwed up reason, it can feel kind of boring. Then again, it's autumn and, like everyone else, I have that ingrained "it's time to go to school" instinct that falls flat when there's no more school to attend. Autumn always feels like a time of change and I keep having to remind myself that no change is a positive thing right now.
Last night I had coffee with an old college friend who I bumped into on Mass Ave randomly a few weeks ago. He was my cotillion date back in the day, someone I smooched briefly while on a "break" from my college boyfriend. Nice guy. We sat at one of Au Bon Pain's sidewalk tables and dished about everything that'd happened since we graduated and hit 30.
"I'm constantly daydreaming about places I want to go, or cities I'd like to live in," he said. "But then I realize that it's kind of nice to have money in the bank."
"Yeah," I replied. "I love the thrill of moving but the truth is that I don't have it in me anymore, or at least right now. The idea of having to make a new life AGAIN, or search for ANOTHER job--it just exhausts me."
"We're getting old."
"Maybe, but is it a bad thing? Aren't we supposed to nest now and then have another go at the wanderlust thing after retirement?"
"I think I'll feel better about that prospect after I have the whole 20s gotta-try-it all thing out of my blood," he told me. "I guess it's a stage of life."
He's right--it is. There are days when I fight it and days when I remind myself to relax and accept it, everything we learn in yoga. Maybe that's the change. And there's more of the same down the road.
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