Neither here nor there

Sometimes you can tell when you’re in transition and sometimes you can’t. There’s the overt kind of change—moving, a job shift, a relationship beginning or ending—and there’s the silent sort, where everything stays the same on the surface but something inside of you shifts gears and goes in a new direction. It’s not black and white. Every choice, every decision is a transition of sorts and they all have their own beauty, their own power to transform.

I’ve been used to the overt transitions, the ones you can’t miss, or seeing the quiet transitions in hindsight after they’ve snuck up on me. Right now, though, I feel like I’m in the midst of *something*. I don’t know what it is, but for the first time in my life I feel present enough to know that there’s a shift taking place. The signs are in my dreams. For the last two weeks, my dreams have been filled with journeys. Every night I dream that I’m ready to leave where I am. There are boxes to be packed and road trips to plan. One night I dreamed that I left everything behind and jumped on a train headed cross-country. Other nights I cram my car full of stuff and then try to fit Scully’s carrier somewhere, because she comes with me everywhere even in my dreams.

I was brought up believing that dreams are important tools for understanding one's inner life, so I don't take the dreams literally. What’s most noticeable for me, though, is the feeling of peace that suffuses the dreams. I’m ready to embark on a new path leading...who knows where.